The Once and Future King

Chapter V

The first two people to notice that Lancelot and Guenever were falling in love with each other were Uncle Dap and King Arthur himself. Arthur had been warned about this by Merlyn – who was now safely locked up in his cave by the fickle Nimue – and he had been fearing it subconsciously. But he always hated knowing the future and had managed to dismiss it from his mind. Uncle Dap’s reaction was to give his pupil a lecture, as they stood in the mews with the chastened jer.

‘God’s Feet!’ said Uncle Dap, with other exclamations of the same kind. ‘What is this? What are you doing? Is the finest knight in Europe to throw away everything I have taught him for the sake of a lady’s beautiful eyes? And a married lady too!’

‘I don’t know what you are talking about.’

‘Don’t know! Won’t know! Holy Mother!’ shouted Uncle Dap. ‘Is it Guenever I am talking about, or is it not? Glory be to God for evermore!’

Lancelot took the old gentleman by the shoulders and sat him down on a chest.

‘Look, Uncle,’ he said with determination. ‘I have been wanting to talk to you. Isn’t it time you went back to Benwick?’

‘Benwick!’ cried his uncle, as if he had been stabbed to the heart.

‘Yes, Benwick. You can’t go on pretending to be my squire for ever. For one thing, you are the brother of two kings, and for another thing, you are three times as old as I am. It would be against the laws of arms.’

‘Laws of arms!’ shouted the old man. ‘Pouf!’

‘Well, it is no good saying Pouf.’

‘And me that has taught you everything you know! Me to go back to Benwick without having seen you prove yourself at all! Why, you have not even used your sword in front of me, not used Joyeux! It is ingratitude, perfidy, treachery! Sorrow to the grave! My faith! By the Blue!’

And the agitated old fellow went off into a long string of Gallic remarks, including the so-called William the Conqueror’s oath of Per Splendorem Dei, and the Pasque Dieu which was the imaginary King Louis the Eleventh’s idea of a joke. Inspired by the royal train of thought he added the exclamations of Rufus, Henry the First, John, and Henry the Third, which were, in that order, By the Holy Face of Lucca, By God’s Death, By God’s Teeth, and By God’s Head. The jerfalcon, seeming to appreciate the display, roused his feathers heartily, like a housemaid shaking a mop out of the window.

‘Well, if you won’t go, you won’t,’ said Lancelot. ‘But please don’t talk to me about the Queen. I can’t help it if we are fond of each other, and there is nothing wrong in being fond of people, is there? It is not as if the Queen and I were villains. When you begin lecturing me about her, you are making it seem as if there was something wrong between us. It is as if you thought ill of me, or did not believe in my honour. Please do not mention the subject again.’

Uncle Dap rolled his eyes, disarranged his hair, cracked his knuckles, kissed his finger-tips, and made other gestures calculated to express his point of view. But he did not refer to the love affair afterwards.

Arthur’s reaction to the problem was complicated. Merlyn’s warning about his lady and his best friend had contained within itself the seeds of its own contradiction, for your friend can hardly be your friend if he is also going to be your betrayer. Arthur adored his rose-petalled Guenever for her dash, and had an instinctive respect for Lancelot, which was soon to become affection. This made it difficult either to suspect them or not to suspect.

The conclusion which he came to was that it would be best to solve the problem by taking Lancelot with him to the Roman war. That, at any rate, would separate the boy from Guenever, and it would be pleasant to have his disciple with him – a fine soldier – whether Merlyn’s warning were true or not.

The Roman war was a complicated business which had been brewing for years. It need not concern us long. It was in its way the logical consequence of Bedegraine – the continuation of that battle on a European scale. The feudal idea of war for ransom had been squashed in Britain, but not abroad, and now the foreign ransom-hunters were after the newly settled King. A gentleman called Lucius, who was the Dictator of Rome – and it is strange to reflect that Dictator is the very word which Malory uses – had sent an embassy asking for tribute from Arthur – it was called a tribute before a battle and a ransom afterwards – to which the King, after consulting his parliament, had returned a message that no tribute was due. So the Dictator Lucius had declared war. He had also sent his messengers, like Lars Porsena in Macaulay, to all the points of the compass to gather allies. He had no less than sixteen kings marching with him from Rome into High Germany, on their way to do battle with the English. He had allies from Ambage, Arrage, Alisandrie, Inde, Hermonie, Euphrates, Affrike, Europe the Large, Ertaine, Elamie, Arabie, Egypt, Damaske, Damiete, Cayer, Capadoce, Tarce, Turkey, Pounce, Pampoille, Surrie and Galacie, beside others from Greece, Cyprus, Mace-done, Calabre, Cateland, Portingale, and many thousands of Spaniards.

During the first weeks of Lancelot’s infatuation for Guenever, it became time for Arthur to cross the Channel to meet his enemy in France – and it was on this war that he decided to carry the young man with him. Lancelot, of course, was not at that time recognized as the chief knight of the Round Table, or he would have been taken in any case. At the present period of his life he had only fought one joust with Arthur himself, and the accepted captain of the knights was Gawaine.

Lancelot was angry at being taken from Guenever, because he felt that it implied a lack of trust. Besides, he knew that Sir Tristram had been left with King Mark’s wife of Cornwall on a similar occasion. He did not see why he should not be left with Guenever in the same way.

There is no need to go into the whole story of the Roman campaign, although it lasted several years. It was the usual sort of war, with a great deal of shoving and shouting on both sides, great strokes smitten, many men overthrown, and great valiances, prowesses, and feats of arms shown every day. It was Bedegraine enlarged – with the same refusal on Arthur’s part to regard it as a sporting or commercial enterprise – although it did have its characteristic touches. Red-headed Gawaine lost his temper when sent on an embassy and killed a man in the middle of the negotiations. Sir Lancelot led a terrific battle in which his men were outnumbered by three to one. He slew the King Lyly and three great lords called Alakuke, Herawd, and Heringdale. During the campaign three notorious giants were accounted for – two of them by Arthur himself. Finally, in the last engagement, Arthur gave the Emperor Lucius such a blow on the head that Excalibur stinted not till it came to his breast, and it was discovered that the Sowdan of Surrie and the King of Egypt and the King of Ethiope – an ancestor of Haile Selassie – together with seventeen other kings of diverse regions and sixty senators of Rome, were among the slain. Arthur put their bodies into sumptuous coffins – not sarcastically – and sent them to the Lord Mayor of Rome, instead of the tribute which had been demanded. This induced the Lord Mayor and nearly the whole of Europe to accept him as overlord. The lands of Pleasance, Pavia, Petersaint, and the Port of Tremble yielded him homage. The feudal convention of battle was broken for good, on the Continent as well as in England.

During this warfare Arthur became genuinely fond of Lancelot, and, by the time they came home, he no longer believed in Merlyn’s prophecy at all. He had put it at the back of his mind. Lancelot was acknowledged to be the greatest fighter in the army. Both of them were determined that Guenever could not come between them, and the first few years were safely past.